Have you ever been surrounded by people all day long…and still felt lonely?
Maybe you talked to coworkers all morning. You chatted with another mom at school pickup. You drove kids to practices, made dinner with your family, answered approximately 7,000 questions, and finally fell into bed next to your spouse.
You were literally never alone.
And yet, somehow, you still felt disconnected.
If you’ve ever experienced this, today’s episode of The Secrets of Supermom Show is for you.
I’m talking with Shari Leid, former litigator turned connection coach, friendship expert, bestselling author, and national speaker, about something I think a lot of busy, high-achieving moms experience—but don’t necessarily know how to name:
Loneliness and disconnection.
And our conversation made me think about burnout in a completely different way.
Because what if some of the exhaustion we’re trying to fix with better schedules, stronger routines, and more productivity isn’t really a productivity problem at all?
What if we need more connection?
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Rather read? Check out the show notes and episode content right here!
Show Notes: You Can Be Surrounded by People and Still Feel Lonely
Hey, hey friend! Welcome to Episode #313 of The Secrets of Supermom Show!
I think this is one of the reasons loneliness can be so difficult for moms to recognize.
We’re rarely alone!
There are coworkers, kids, spouses, other parents, neighbors, friends, teachers, coaches, family members…and usually someone texting us while we’re talking to one of those people.
So, we tell ourselves:
How could I possibly be lonely?
But Shari explained that being around people and actually feeling connected to people are two very different things.
And there’s another piece we often overlook.
Sometimes the person we’ve become disconnected from is ourselves.
Think about how easy it is for this to happen in motherhood.
You spend years figuring out what everyone else needs.
What time do they need to be at school?
What do they need for practice?
What will they eat?
What appointments need to be scheduled?
What does your team need from you?
What does your spouse need?
Who needs help?
What problem needs to be solved next?
You can become so good at taking care of everyone else that one day you realize you’re not even sure what you like anymore.
In our conversation, Shari shares why she believes connection with yourself has to come first—and what can happen when we spend years ignoring it.
The Surprising Connection Between Loneliness and Burnout
This was one of my favorite parts of our conversation because it is SO relevant to the women who listen to this show.
We are doers.
Give us a problem, and we are going to figure it out.
Give us a school auction and we might accidentally run it like we’re producing the Super Bowl. 😂
But Shari pointed out something fascinating.
Sometimes, when high-achieving women feel disconnected or lonely, we don’t slow down.
We do more.
We achieve more. Volunteer more. Work more. Help more. Fill more spaces on the calendar.
Doing feels comfortable. It gives us a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
But if all that doing is covering up a deeper need for connection, accomplishing one more thing doesn’t actually fill the gap.
Now we’re disconnected and overwhelmed.
And eventually, we may be burned out too.
So maybe the question isn’t always:
“How can I get more done?”
Maybe sometimes we need to ask:
“What am I actually needing right now?”
That question alone is worth sitting with.
Connection Over Control—Especially With Our Kids
This conversation gets really interesting when we bring connection into motherhood.
Because as moms, we are professional problem-solvers.
Kid has a problem?
We have six possible solutions before they’ve finished explaining it.
But Shari shared a line during our conversation that stopped me:
Control gets compliance. It doesn’t create connection.
Oof.
There is obviously a time and place for boundaries, expectations, rules, and guidance. But if our goal is a long-term relationship with our children—one where they still want to call us and tell us about their lives when they’re 24 or 26—connection matters.
And Shari has a framework that can help.
The FLIP the Box Method
Shari calls her connection framework FLIP the Box.
FLIP stands for:
F — Focus
L — Listen
I — Ignite
P — Play
But these aren’t just four generic reminders to “be more present.”
Each one challenges something many of us naturally do when we walk into a conversation—with our children, our spouse, a friend, a coworker, or even a room full of strangers.
For example, Shari talks about the difference between listening so you can reply and listening so you can actually identify what matters underneath someone’s words.
She also explains what she means when she says:
“Don’t choose control. Ignite the soul.”
And I especially loved how she applies the final piece of FLIP to our kids and the qualities that make them different.
Because sometimes the exact thing we’re worried about, trying to change, or wishing looked a little more “normal” might be connected to one of their greatest gifts.
We unpack all four parts of the FLIP method in the episode and talk about how you can start using them in motherhood, relationships, work, and leadership.
What 50 Meals With 50 Strangers Taught Shari About Connection
There is another incredible story behind Shari’s work.
In 2023, she traveled to all 50 states.
And in every state, she sat down for a meal with a woman she didn’t know.
Fifty states. Fifty women. Fifty conversations.
Those women came from different backgrounds, generations, belief systems, economic circumstances, and life experiences.
The project eventually became Shari’s book, Table for 51, but it also taught her something powerful about the assumptions we make about one another—and how those assumptions can prevent relationships from ever beginning.
One detail from this story really got me.
When Shari invited women to participate, she expected them to worry about privacy or being included in a book.
Instead, she repeatedly heard a completely different concern:
“I don’t know if I’m interesting enough.”
How many of us have walked into a room with some version of that thought?
What am I going to say?
Will they like me?
Do I belong here?
Am I interesting enough?
And Shari’s takeaway is so simple:
Connection starts when we stop trying to be interesting and start being interested.
Imagine how differently you would walk into a room if you believed that.
Instead of worrying about whether everyone likes you, you get curious about them.
Instead of wondering what you should say, you listen.
Instead of waiting for someone to make you feel included, you create connection.
Which leads to one of my favorite takeaways from the entire episode.
Don’t Wait. Create.
At the end of every interview, I ask my guests for one small step a busy mom can take to get started.
Shari’s?
Don’t wait. Create.
Don’t wait for the perfect friend group to magically find you.
Don’t wait for someone else to invite you.
Don’t wait until life slows down enough for connection to become convenient.
Start small.
Maybe you say hello to someone after your workout class instead of immediately grabbing your phone.
Maybe you make eye contact.
Maybe you smile.
Maybe you finally text the woman you keep thinking, We should really get together sometime.
Connection doesn’t necessarily require adding another giant commitment to your already-full calendar.
It might simply require interacting with the people already around you on purpose.
And if you’re thinking, Okay, but how do I actually do that without it feeling awkward?—Shari has some really practical ideas for that in the episode, too.
Listen to the Full Conversation
If you’ve been feeling burned out, overwhelmed, lonely, disconnected—or simply so busy taking care of everyone else that you haven’t stopped to think about what you need—I think you’re going to love this conversation.
Shari and I talk about loneliness, burnout, friendship, motherhood, leadership, identity, adult children, belonging, and what it actually takes to create meaningful connection.
And you’ll hear the full story behind her FLIP the Box method and how to put it into practice in your own life.
Listen to the full episode of The Secrets of Supermom Show: The Missing Piece in Burnout? Why Busy Moms Need More Connection with Shari Leid.
About Our Guest: Shari Leid
Shari Leid is a former litigator turned connection coach, friendship expert, bestselling author, and national speaker. She is the founder of An Imperfectly Perfect Life® and the author of Table for 51 and The Friendship Series.
Her work focuses on helping people break free from outdated boxes around identity, career, relationships, and community and create deeper connection with themselves and the people around them.
You can learn more about Shari and her work at animperfectlyperfectlife.com.
Special Offer for Secrets of Supermom Listeners
Shari is also hosting a three-day women’s retreat in Austin, Texas focused on connection to self, career, family, and community.
Secrets of Supermom listeners can save $100 by using code SUPERMOM at checkout.
Visit animperfectlyperfectlife.com/retreat to learn more.
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About the Host: Lori Oberbroeckling
Lori Whitney Oberbroeckling is a mom of four, corporate leader, podcaster, productivity expert, and author of the book Secrets of Supermom: How Extraordinary Moms Succeed at Work and Home & How You Can Too!
She is passionate about helping parents who want fulfilling careers–or side hustles or passion projects–while also wanting to feel present and connected to their families.
