The Curse of the Capable: Why Doing More Is Burning You Out

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Show Notes: Why Capable Women Are at Risk of Burnout

Hey, hey friend! Welcome to Episode #310 of The Secrets of Supermom Show!

Dawn has spent more than two decades working with highly accomplished leaders, and she sees the same pattern again and again: incredibly capable women who are exceptional at what they do but are exhausted by how they’re doing it.

When you become known as the person who gets things done, people naturally start bringing more things to you.

But we also do this to ourselves.

Someone makes a request and instead of asking, “Do I want to do this?” our brains immediately jump to:

“How can I make this happen?”

Can I move something?

Can I squeeze it in?

Can I work later?

Can I just do it myself?

And because we can figure it out, we often do.

The problem isn’t our capacity. The problem is using that capacity on things we never consciously chose.

You Get to Choose Where Your Capacity Goes

One of my favorite ideas from this conversation is that having a large capacity isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

You can be ambitious.

You can work hard.

You can go all-in on something that matters to you.

The question is: Did you choose it?

There’s a huge difference between using 100% of your capacity on something you intentionally decided matters and using 100% of your capacity because you’ve accumulated everyone else’s responsibilities.

Being productive isn’t about proving how much you can carry.

It’s about intentionally deciding where your time, energy, attention, and talents are best spent.

Are You Supporting People—or Carrying Them?

This becomes especially important for working moms who are also leaders, managers, business owners, or entrepreneurs.

We want to be supportive.

We want to care about our people.

We want to be compassionate leaders.

But Dawn points out that sometimes our desire to care for people turns into taking responsibility for them.

Maybe you know an employee is going through something difficult, so you don’t give her a challenging assignment.

Maybe you avoid a necessary conversation because you don’t think someone can handle it right now.

Maybe you keep doing something yourself because it feels easier than asking someone else to step up.

The intention may be kindness, but the result can be the opposite.

When we continually rescue people, we don’t give them the opportunity to stretch, fail, learn, build confidence, and become more capable themselves.

Dawn offered a distinction I absolutely love:

We can hold space for someone without holding their weight.

You can create an environment where someone feels safe telling you what they need without deciding for them what they can and cannot handle.

That applies to our teams—and honestly, it applies at home, too.

What If Your Goal Was to Become Less Necessary?

If you lead a team, one of your goals should actually be to become less necessary in the day-to-day operation of your business.

That doesn’t mean you aren’t valuable.

It means you’ve built capable people around you.

When we keep stepping in, fixing everything, answering every question, or holding onto work someone else could own, we may actually prevent our teams from developing the skills they’ll need at the next level.

And we’re also using our own limited time on work someone else could do instead of the work that only we can do.

Great leadership isn’t doing everything.

It’s developing people who can think, decide, solve problems, and lead alongside you.

A Different Way to Think About Boundaries

Of course, doing less requires boundaries.

And boundaries can be especially difficult when being dependable is part of your identity.

If you’ve always been the one who says yes, helps out, figures it out, and comes through, saying no can almost feel like you’re becoming a different person.

Dawn shared a definition of boundaries that completely reframes the idea:

A boundary isn’t a wall. It’s a job description.

A boundary tells people what working with you—or living with you—looks like.

That also means a boundary isn’t necessarily an immovable rule forever.

You can make a different choice tomorrow.

You can rewrite the job description.

You can decide an exception is worth making.

The important part is that you’re making the decision intentionally instead of automatically.

Set Boundaries From Your Values, Not Your Exhaustion

This might be one of the most important takeaways from our entire conversation.

Most of us are really good at creating boundaries once we’ve had enough.

We’re exhausted.

We’re frustrated.

We’re resentful.

And finally we declare:

“That’s it. I’m not doing this anymore!”

The problem is that once the immediate pressure disappears, the boundary often disappears with it.

Dawn encourages us to set boundaries from our values instead of our pain.

Ask yourself:

What am I trying to protect?

Maybe you value picking your kids up from school.

Maybe you need uninterrupted time to do your best work.

Maybe you want to protect your workout.

Maybe family dinner matters to you.

Maybe you need recovery time.

When the boundary is attached to something you deeply value, it becomes much easier to protect.

Instead of saying, “I can’t take another meeting because I’m completely overwhelmed,” you might decide, “Friday afternoons are protected focus time because finishing this work allows me to be fully present with my family Friday night.”

Now you know what your boundary is for.

Stop Asking, “How Can I Make This Work?”

This was a big realization for me during our conversation.

When someone asks me to do something, my brain immediately starts figuring out how I can make it happen.

But that’s not actually the first question.

Before asking:

How can I make this work?

We can ask:

Do I even want to make this work?

Does this fit my priorities?

Does it support what I value?

Is this worth changing my plans for?

What will I have to give up in order to say yes?

And then—if we decide it’s worth it—we can figure out how to make it happen.

That tiny pause puts us back in the driver’s seat.

Dawn’s 3-Question Boundary Check

If you aren’t sure whether something in your life needs a better boundary, Dawn recommends checking in with yourself using three things:

1. Energy

How is your energy around this commitment, responsibility, relationship, or task?

2. Resentment

How much resentment are you feeling about it?

3. Enthusiasm

How enthusiastic are you about continuing to do it?

Give each one an honest score from 1–10.

You may still decide to do something even when the scores aren’t ideal. There are responsibilities in life we simply need to handle.

But those numbers give you information.

And resentment, especially, can be a signal worth paying attention to.

It might tell you that a boundary needs to change, something needs to come off your list, or a responsibility needs to be handed back to the person who actually owns it.

Sometimes the Most Productive Thing You Can Do Is Pause

Before you automatically say yes, fix the problem, take on the task, or decide what someone else can handle, Dawn recommends something incredibly simple:

Pause.

Take a breath.

Give yourself enough space to actually make a choice.

When you’re constantly moving, reacting, and handling the next thing, it’s easy to blow right past what you actually want.

That pause gives you a chance to check in with yourself.

Is this a yes?

Is this mine?

Does this matter to me?

Is this where I want my capacity to go?

Being a Supermom isn’t about proving you can handle everything.

Sometimes it’s about recognizing that you could handle it—and intentionally choosing not to.

About Our Guest: Dawn Andrews

Dawn Andrews has spent 24 years watching exceptional women become the most overworked person in every room they walk into. And helping them stop.

As founder of Free Range Thinking, she coaches world-famous entertainment industry leaders, female founders, and corporate women on the strategy, systems, and leadership shifts that break the burnout cycle for good.

You can connect with Dawn and explore her resources here:

Website: https://dawnandrews.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/freerangethinking/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freerangethinking/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DawnAndrewsStrategist

AI for Founders Community: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/14693101/

Free Resource — 10 Ways AI Can Make You a Better Leader: https://hellodawn.live/ai10ways

And be sure to check out Dawn’s podcast, She’s That Founder, for more conversations and strategies around business, leadership, teams, productivity, and building a business that doesn’t require you to carry everything yourself.