Do you ever feel like it’s your job to make sure everyone in your family is okay?
Your child is upset, so you immediately try to make them feel better. They’re disappointed, and you look for the silver lining. They’re frustrated, and you offer advice. There’s conflict in the house, and you’re already figuring out how to smooth it over.
For many moms, keeping everyone happy can feel like part of the job.
But what if trying to fix everyone’s feelings is actually getting in the way of the connection you want with your kids?
In this episode of The Secrets of Supermom Show, I’m talking with Diane Sorensen, certified Transformational Coach and host of the Chaos to Connection podcast, about how to connect with your kids by first learning how to connect with yourself.
We talk about parenting triggers, people pleasing, emotional regulation, generational patterns, and one idea that might completely change the way you respond when your child is struggling:
One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is learning how to be okay when they are not okay.
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Rather read? Check out the show notes and episode content right here!
Show Notes: How to Create Real Connection with Your Kids
Hey, hey friend! Welcome to Episode #309 of The Secrets of Supermom Show!
When we think about building a stronger relationship with our kids, we often think about what we need to do with them.
Maybe we need more one-on-one time.
Maybe we need family dinners.
Maybe we should plan a special outing, take a family vacation, or put our phones away more often.
Those things can absolutely be valuable. But Diane explains that real connection goes deeper.
Connection begins with self-awareness.
Before we can stay present with our children’s emotions, we have to become more comfortable with our own.
That means noticing what happens inside of you when your child is angry, disappointed, disrespectful, anxious, sad, or simply not behaving the way you expected.
Instead of immediately reacting, fixing, blaming, or judging, we can begin asking:
What is happening inside of me right now?
That simple shift can change the entire interaction.
Your Parenting Triggers Aren’t Something to Get Rid Of
Most of us would probably love to stop getting triggered by our kids.
But Diane offers a different perspective: your triggers can give you information.
Instead of thinking, Why am I getting so upset about this? or I shouldn’t feel this way, we can become curious about what the reaction is telling us.
Maybe your child’s behavior makes you feel disrespected.
Maybe their disappointment immediately makes you feel guilty.
Maybe their anger makes you anxious because conflict has always felt uncomfortable.
Maybe you feel responsible for changing their mood because somewhere along the way you learned that keeping other people happy was your job.
The goal isn’t to judge yourself for having the reaction.
It’s to notice it.
That awareness gives you the opportunity to respond differently instead of automatically repeating an old pattern.
The People-Pleasing Pattern Many Moms Carry Into Parenting
One of the patterns Diane discovered in her own life was a deeply ingrained belief that she shouldn’t upset anyone.
Keep everyone happy.
Keep the peace.
Don’t rock the boat.
Be the “good girl.”
And those beliefs don’t magically disappear when we become mothers.
In fact, people pleasing in motherhood can look incredibly responsible from the outside.
We anticipate everyone’s needs.
We fix problems before anyone asks.
We manage schedules, emotions, relationships, expectations, and conflict.
We want everyone to be okay.
But there’s a problem.
When we believe it’s our responsibility to make our children happy, their difficult emotions can start to feel like evidence that we’re doing something wrong.
So instead of simply being with our kids in their discomfort, we rush to change it.
What If You Didn’t Have to Fix Your Child’s Feelings?
Think about what happens when your child comes home and says:
“I hate school.”
Our instinct might be:
You don’t hate school! You had a great day yesterday.
Or:
But you love your teacher!
Or:
Let’s think about all the good things happening at school.
We mean well.
We’re trying to help.
But sometimes our children don’t need us to reframe their experience. They need us to hear it.
Diane shared a powerful example from her own relationship with her daughter. Her daughter pointed out that when she shared something, Diane would often turn it around and offer another way to think about it.
Diane thought she was offering a teachable moment.
Her daughter experienced something different: the message that the way she thought or felt was wrong.
That realization created an opportunity to parent differently.
Sometimes connection sounds less like:
“Here’s how you should think about this.”
And more like:
“Tell me more.”
You Can Be Okay When Your Kids Aren’t Okay
This may be one of the hardest lessons in motherhood.
Your child can be upset…
…and you can be okay.
Your teenager can be disappointed…
…and you can be okay.
Your child can disagree with you…
…and you can be okay.
They can even be angry with you…
…and you can still be okay.
Being okay doesn’t mean you don’t care.
It doesn’t mean you aren’t empathetic.
And it certainly doesn’t mean you never have emotions of your own.
It means you don’t require your child to change their emotional state in order for you to feel emotionally safe.
That creates room for your child to experience their own emotions while learning that they don’t have to manage yours.
Breaking Generational Cycles in Motherhood
This conversation is also about something much bigger than handling one difficult parenting moment.
It’s about breaking generational cycles.
Diane describes realizing that she had inherited patterns of perfectionism, people pleasing, achievement, and emotional suppression—and had unknowingly carried some of those patterns into the next generation.
Many of our parenting patterns didn’t start with us.
We may have learned to be agreeable.
To stop crying.
To look on the bright side.
To keep everyone happy.
To avoid conflict.
To achieve.
To be “good.”
To put uncomfortable emotions away until we could come back with a smile on our face.
We don’t have to blame ourselves—or previous generations—to decide we want to do something differently.
Awareness gives us the opportunity to choose what we want to carry forward.
Emotional Regulation Doesn’t Mean Being Calm All the Time
There can be another sneaky form of perfectionism hiding here:
If I’m emotionally regulated, I should never lose my cool.
Nope.
Being a connected mom doesn’t mean becoming a mom who never struggles.
As Diane says in our conversation, the secret to a Supermom isn’t a mom who doesn’t struggle. It’s a mom who learns how to navigate the struggle.
You are going to have emotions.
You are going to get frustrated.
You will have moments when your kids push every button you have—and possibly discover a few buttons you didn’t know existed.
The goal isn’t perfection.
The goal is awareness.
Can you notice what you’re feeling?
Can you allow yourself to feel it without immediately making someone else responsible for it?
Can you pause before reacting?
Can you repair when you don’t respond the way you wanted to?
That is real-life emotional regulation.
A Simple Way to Start Working With Your Parenting Triggers
If this feels like a lot of inner work, you don’t have to completely overhaul the way you parent today.
Diane recommends starting small.
The next time something triggers you, write it down.
You can keep a small notebook nearby or use the notes app on your phone.
Write down what happened.
What did you immediately think?
What did you feel?
What did you want to do?
You don’t even have to solve it yet.
Start by noticing it.
And if you don’t have time to write?
Breathe.
Take a few slow breaths before moving on to the next thing.
That tiny pause can help you reconnect with yourself before deciding what happens next.
How to Create More Connection With Your Kids
If you want to feel more connected to your kids, you may not need another elaborate family activity or more hours in your schedule.
You might start by looking inward.
Notice your triggers.
Get curious about your emotions.
Listen before you fix.
Allow your children to have feelings you don’t particularly like.
Practice letting their emotions belong to them—and yours belong to you.
And remember that your children don’t need a mother who gets everything right.
They need a relationship where there is room for truth, emotion, struggle, repair, and connection.
Because sometimes being a Supermom isn’t about fixing the struggle.
It’s about learning how to stay connected through it.
About Our Guest: Diane Sorensen
Diane Sorensen is a certified Transformational Coach and the host of the Chaos to Connection podcast. She supports cycle-breaking women — especially mothers — in moving from approval-based living into truthful, self-led relationships across generations. With over 30 years of experience supporting children and families as an early childhood educator, behavior specialist, and transformational coach, Diane understands the limits of performance-based parenting and “doing it right. ” Her deepest learning, however, came through lived experience. When her daughter faced a mental health crisis at seventeen, Diane was confronted with the generational patterns of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and emotional suppression she had unknowingly carried — and passed on. That awakening reshaped both her life and her work. Today, Diane helps women step out of the pressure to be “ good” and into sturdy, embodied leadership rooted in truth, presence, and self-trust. Her work reframes motherhood as a lifelong relationship — not a role to perform — and invites deep transformation in parenting, partnerships, and family systems.
Free Resource – https://www.dianesorensen.net/drama-to-empowerment
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About the Host: Lori Oberbroeckling
Lori Whitney Oberbroeckling is a mom of four, corporate leader, podcaster, productivity expert, and author of the book Secrets of Supermom: How Extraordinary Moms Succeed at Work and Home & How You Can Too!
She is passionate about helping parents who want fulfilling careers–or side hustles or passion projects–while also wanting to feel present and connected to their families.
