When someone we love is grieving, we want to show up well—but most of us never learned how. We don’t want to say the wrong thing. We don’t want to overstep. And sometimes, out of fear of doing it wrong…we end up doing nothing at all.
In today’s powerful conversation, grief expert and life coach Krista St-Germain returns to The Secrets of Supermom Show to share how we can compassionately support friends, family members, coworkers—or anyone—moving through grief or loss.
Krista joined me previously in Episode 256 to talk about navigating our own grief. But today, we go even deeper into what real support looks like, how to avoid common missteps, and why “showing up” matters far beyond the early days of loss—especially during the holiday season.
Whether you’re supporting someone in grief now, anticipating hard conversations ahead, or healing your own heart while also caring for others, this episode is truly for all of us.
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Rather read? Check out the show notes and episode content right here!
Show Notes: Supporting Someone Through Grief
Hey, hey friend! Welcome to Episode #265 of The Secrets of Supermom Show!
Meet Krista St-Germain: Grief Coach & Widowed Mom Advocate
Krista is a grief coach who specializes in supporting widows—especially those stuck in what she calls the “grief plateau”: functioning well on the outside while feeling stuck, disconnected, or like their best days are behind them.
After losing her husband at age 40, Krista quickly realized how little most of us truly understand about grief. Today, she helps hundreds of women rewrite their relationship with grief, rebuild their lives, and find hope and meaning again.
Her podcast, The Widowed Mom Podcast, has over 320 episodes and is an incredible resource for anyone navigating grief or supporting someone who is.
Learn more at coachingwithkrista.com.
Why Showing Up in Grief Feels So Hard
Most of us fear saying the wrong thing, offering the wrong help, or making someone feel worse. Krista helps us understand:
- why grief is unpredictable
- why the same supportive gesture can land well for one person but feel overwhelming for another
- how to release the pressure of “getting it right”
The key? Grace for them and grace for ourselves.
“What If I Say the Wrong Thing?” Here’s What Actually Helps
Krista shares the real reason many of our well-meaning attempts to help fall flat:
we’re often trying to fix emotions that aren’t problems.
Instead of trying to cheer someone up, offer solutions, or “silver-line” tragedy, she suggests:
- acknowledging their pain (“This is so hard, and I’m here.”)
- offering presence without pressure
- allowing them to feel exactly what they feel
Grief isn’t something to cure—it’s something to honor.
Helpful Phrases to Support Someone Through Grief
If you freeze up and don’t know what to say, try:
- “I’m here, and I don’t know what to say, but I care about you so much.”
- “This just really sucks, and I’m here with you.”
- “I’m thinking about you today.”
Sometimes, the simplest statements create the deepest connection.
What NOT to Say When Someone Is Grieving
Even with good intentions, certain phrases invalidate someone’s experience. Try to avoid:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “They’re in a better place.”
- “At least…” (anything that begins with this is usually minimizing)
- “You’re strong—you’ll get through this.”
These statements can feel dismissive or make the grieving person feel like they need to perform strength they don’t feel.
Presence > Fixing
Your job isn’t to fix grief.
Your job is to be someone who can sit with another human being in their pain, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Krista reminds us that:
- grief is not linear
- emotions fluctuate wildly
- hormones, sleep, and nervous system responses all shift during grief
- the goal isn’t to remove sadness, but to meet someone in it
How to Support Someone as Time Passes
Here’s one of the most powerful truths from this episode:
👉 Grief never ends. It simply changes.
But support? That often ends far too early.
Krista shares how to:
- stay connected weeks, months, and years after the loss
- acknowledge important dates, anniversaries, and milestones
- avoid assuming someone is “better” because they look okay
- celebrate memories in a way that feels comforting, not triggering
One of the biggest gifts you can give is letting someone know their person is still remembered.
Why People Hide Their Ongoing Grief
Many grieving people don’t share how they truly feel because:
- they believe they “should” be over it
- they don’t want to burden others
- they fear being judged
- they think time is supposed to heal on a predictable schedule
This is why your continued support matters more than you realize.
A Simple Way to Support Someone Today
Krista’s actionable tip is incredibly doable:
➡️ Send one text message.
Tell someone you’re thinking of them. Mention their person. Share a memory or a moment that reminded you of them.
Tiny moments of acknowledgment go further than we ever know.
Resources & Links Mentioned
- The Widowed Mom Podcast by Krista St-Germain
- Krista’s website: coachingwithkrista.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachingwithkrista/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachkrista/
- Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/158621428181414
About Our Guest: Krista St-Germain
Krista St-Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, Post-Traumatic Growth and grief expert, widow, mom and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast, ranked in the top 1% of all podcasts. When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista’s life was completely and unexpectedly flipped upside down. After therapy helped her uncurl from the fetal position, Krista discovered Life Coaching, Post Traumatic Growth and learned the tools she needed to move forward and create a future she could get excited about. Now she coaches and teaches other widows so they can love life again, too. Krista has been featured online and in print in Psychology Today, Psych Central, Bustle, Charlotte Parent, Medium and Parents Magazine and on select podcasts such as Grief 2 Growth, Seek The Joy, Life Check Yourself and You Need A Budget to name a few.
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About the Host: Lori Oberbroeckling
Lori Whitney Oberbroeckling is a mom of four, corporate leader, podcaster, productivity expert, and author of the book Secrets of Supermom: How Extraordinary Moms Succeed at Work and Home & How You Can Too!
She is passionate about helping parents who want fulfilling careers–or side hustles or passion projects–while also wanting to feel present and connected to their families.
