The Secret of Happiness is here! Quite possibly my favorite chapter from the book Secrets of Supermom is Supermoms Seek Joy | The Secret of Happiness.
In this episode, we share 9 ways to be happy on purpose! You don’t want to miss this one!
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Show Notes and Transcript: The Secret of Happiness
Hey, hey friend! Welcome to Episode #9 of The Secrets of Supermom Show! Quite possibly my favorite chapter from the book Secrets of Supermom is Supermoms Seek Joy | The Secret of Happiness.
If we are not happy, then what is the point? Why work so hard for the things you want, the family you want, the career you want, if you are miserable in the process? My goal, every day, is to be happy on purpose. When I am not feeling happy, my goal is to figure out why and to see if it is something I can change. And if I can’t change it, can I change my attitude about it?
We know that happy feels good. But why should we want to strive to be happy?
Research shows that happy people have some really fantastic benefits over people that are unhappy in general.
- Happy people are more patient.
- Happy people have better relationships.
- Happy people can see the big picture with more clarity.
- Happy people make more money.
- Happy people have better immunity and live longer.
- Happy people are more productive at work.
- Happy people manage stress better.
- Happy people have healthier lifestyles.
- Happy people feel more control over their lives.
If any of those things resonate with you but you struggle staying happy, today we are going to talk about 9 ways to be happy on purpose. Nine things you can do to be happier and thus more patient, less stressed, and cultivate a better life.
Make a Happiness List
Get out a sheet of paper or if you have the Secrets of Supermom Workbook you can use that and make a list of all the things that make you happy.
(P.S. If you don’t have the workbook you can download it for free at secretsofsupermom.com/sosworkbook.)
Now, remember, this is your list. Don’t write things that should make you happy. Write only things that actually make you happy. If your friend loves running, but you hate it, don’t put it on the list.
A question I have had from a number of moms lately when speaking, and y’all this breaks my mama-heart, is, “What if I don’t know what makes me happy?” Sometimes we get so involved in childcare and family care and jobs and house work that we find we have fully neglected ourself so much that we don’t even know the things that make us happy anymore.
I recommend a pause and a step way back. What made you happy before you were a mom? What made you happy before you were in a career? What made you happy in high school, in grade school? If you work backwards you start to remember things that filled you up before your life was completely full. Maybe, just maybe, some of those things deserve a place back on the forefront.
The start to my happiness list might sound something like this:
- Singing at the top of my lungs to music blaring in my car
- Reading a hard-copy book
- Looking at photo albums
- Taking a bike ride with the kids
- Listening to a podcast about goal setting
- Eating slowly at a restaurant (generally, this means the kids can’t be there…they are not ready for the long, relaxing dinner just yet)
- Seeing a movie and eating buttered popcorn
- A long hug
- Hearing Kellen yell “It’s snuggle time!” and running to snuggle in my lap with his eyes closed
Once you have your list, and try to add 50 things or more if you can, keep it in a place where you can refer to it often. The goal is to incorporate something from the list into your life every day, if even for just five minutes. Deciding to do something that makes you happy, every single day, is a great way to maintain a greater level of overall happiness.
Learn Something New
In book The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin refers to an “atmosphere of growth.” She says, based on research, if you are not growing, learning, and experiencing new things, you are more likely to be unhappy or feel stuck in your life.
How can you apply this in your own life? Sign up for a class to learn something new. Join a book club and read new books. Volunteer for a project at work that you have not done in the past. Listen to a podcast on a new topic.
Focus on Relationships
If you look at your last week, can you find ways that you focused on relationships with people you love? Did you prioritize quality time or energy with your kids, your partner, your friends, your siblings, parents, neighbors, favorite coworkers? Are you protecting your most important relationships?
Happy people with strong connections live longer and happier lives. It is time to prioritize those humans you love most.
Look for Ways to Help
People like to help people. Research has shown over and again that altruism, helping other people without an expectation of “payback,” increases feelings of happiness.
You don’t have to be a formal volunteer. There are daily opportunities to help someone else. You can certainly volunteer—the world needs it, trust me—but helping does not have to be formalized. You can hold a door for someone, pick up someone’s dropped keys in the grocery store, or send treats for a class party at your kid’s school.
Get Outside
Based on research, being outside makes us happier, less stressed, more creative, and more socially connected. Plus, its fast and its free. If you can do nothing else, step outside into the sunshine and take a few deep breaths. Your mind will thank you.
Give Compliments or Show Appreciation
You know how it feels good to get a compliment? There you are, hanging out in the grocery line, and someone walks up and says she loves your shoes. You feel great. Guess what? She feels great, too. It feels good to make other people happy. Do you love someone’s dress at the bank? Tell them. Did you think about your girlfriend from high school today and how much you appreciated her deep chats? Reach out and tell her. Did your kiddo bring you a flower unexpectedly? Say thanks, and give a big, long hug.
Write personal thank-you notes. Give hugs. Say thank you. Give compliments. Send a text message. Show that gratitude you have been working on identifying every day as part of your morning routine.
Hugs
A twenty-second hug can improve your health, lower your stress levels, and increase happiness. And I am not talking about one of those one-armed, half back pat, girl hugs. No! A big cozy bear hug. A like-you-mean-it hug.
Research on hugs shows that a twenty-second hug can increase oxytocin (the love hormone), reduce heart rate in stressful situations, and reduce blood pressure.
Get more hugs, and give more hugs.
Forgive
Are you holding a grudge? Is there someone you can’t seem to forgive?
Forgiveness is critical to lifetime happiness. Many people think that forgiveness is saying “it’s okay” to someone that has wronged or victimized you. In reality, forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person at all. Forgiveness is the act of releasing your own anger, resentment, or grudge. It is freeing yourself from these feelings that will ultimately weigh you down, increase cortisol levels, and contribute to declines in mental health.
Forgiveness doesn’t only mean forgiving others. It means forgiving yourself, too. Are you holding a grudge against yourself that is limiting your confidence and your happiness? It’s time to let that go.
Set Boundaries
Happy people say no. Plain and simple. In order for you to be as happy as possible, you will have to be able to set boundaries. When you feel taken advantage of, you feel the opposite of happy.
This one is especially hard for me. I really like to say yes. If I can make something happen, I like to say yes. Do we have time to get from baseball practice, to the birthday party, and back to the football game? Then, it’s a yes! Can I make cupcakes for the bake sale between dance rehearsals? Then, it’s a yes! Can I squeeze in an extra two-hour business teleconference a week to be part of a new initiative? Then, it’s a yes!
Sometimes, though, that means that my schedule is just so full that there is room for nothing else. If a really amazing opportunity presents itself, your schedule should not be so full with “yeses” that you have to say no to the big goal, the one that could boost success and happiness at the same time. Your schedule should not be so full that you are only busy and not happy.
The Secret of Happiness: One Small Step
Let’s review one more time. Nine ways to be happy on purpose are:
- Make a Happiness LIst
- Learn Something New
- Focus on Relationships
- Look for Ways to Help
- Get Outside
- Give Compliments or Show Appreciation
- Hugs
- Forgive
- Set Boundaries
What is one small step you can do right now to get started? Start your happiness list and choose one thing you are going to do TODAY from your list. Then, do it. Its time to work on your happy self.
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See you next week, y’all!
