Would you call yourself confident? Do you know how to be more confident? Do you feel like poor confidence impacts your life?
In today’s episode, we talk about The Secret of Confidence, the enemies of confidence, and the impact of confidence on the things you do every day. Confidence is a deep-set belief that you will be able to do new things, learn new processes, and consistently become better. How can you be more confident and become the supermom you were meant to be?
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Show Notes and Transcript
Hey, hey friend! Welcome to Episode #3 of The Secrets of Supermom Show! Today we are talking about confidence and the Secret of Confidence from the book.
What exactly is confidence? We often think about this from a looks perspective. I am confident in my body, so I am confident in all things, or I am not confident about my body or my looks, so I am not confident. I think this really just barely scrapes the surface of confidence. It isn’t about just feeling skinny or beautiful. Confidence is a deep-set belief that you will be able to do new things, learn new processes, and consistently become better. That might mean improving your body, but it is so much more.
When we believe in our own abilities, we increase confidence in other areas, too. For example, if we believe that we can get a new job because we interview well, this confidence in interview skills can roll over into other areas like learning new tasks at the job and building new relationships with a new team. That said, it benefits our whole self to increase our confidence in any area. This is really why we need confidence. It allows us to be more successful in new things we try, it allows us to find new adventures, and it allows us to grow. As working moms, there are new things coming at us every day. Confidence allows us to know that we can do it and do it well, even if it takes a few tries.
Before we talk about how to work directly on confidence, let’s talk about some enemies of confidence. What causes us to decrease our self esteem or our belief in ourselves?
Comparison
Are you guilty of comparison? Do you compare your abilities, talents, possessions or life in general to other people? Hear me when I say that what other people are doing is none of your business. There will always be someone smarter than you, richer than you, happier than you. There will always be someone who has a bigger house, a better minivan, a more successful business, a faster promotion schedule. If you are looking for them, you will find them.
Does being smarter than you or having a bigger house make their life better? Maybe. Does them having an amazing life make yours crappy in comparison? No. It doesn’t. Comparing yourself to other people doesnt make your life worse. It makes it feel worse. So, stop it.
Jealousy
The evil twin of comparison is jealousy. You have compared and now you want what they have. Jealousy can cause insecurity and resentment. What other people have is none of your business.
When you feel the green eyed monster rearing its ugly head, I recommend this to moms. Stop. Stop and sit with the jealousy for a minute. What does that mean for you? Are you jealous because you actually want what they have? Are you jealous because you think what they have makes their life a certain way? How can you change your own life in order to have what you want or feel the way you want to feel.
People-Pleasing
Do you want people to like you? Are you willing to compromise yourself so they do? Are you willing to sacrifice your own happiness for someone else? When put that way, most of us will say no. However, many of us tend to people please. We bend a little bit and then a little bit more and a little bit more. Suddenly, we are compromising so much that we are not even sure who we are anymore. We don’t want people not to like us. We don’t want people to talk behind our backs. We want to be loved and valued.
You cannot control what other people think and what they think is none of your business. You have to be happy and proud to be you. You are the only one you have to answer to at the end of each day.
How to be More Confident: Three Strategies to Use Today
What can you actually do to become more confident? We are going to talk about three strategies to be more confident every day.
Working on Mindset and Believing You are AMAZING
Beliving that you are everything you can be, not better than anyone else, but the best you is the path to self esteem. When you trust that you can take any opportunity, any adversity, any mistake and come through on the other side better, that is confidence.
How are you talking to yourself? Are you telling yourself that you can do this or are you telling yourself that you will fail? Are you telling yourself that you are not smart enough or athletic enough or talented enough? What do you truly and honestly believe about the person you are and the person you can be?
In her book, Mindset, Dr. Carol Dweck talks about a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset. A person with a growth mindset believes that they can develop and get better. A person with a fixed mindset believes that you get what you get when you are born. The skills and talents you have are all you get. You either have it or you don’t. Working on a growth mindset can improve confidence because you honestly believe that you can get better, faster, and smarter at what every you try.
Affirmations and Mantras
An affirmation is a statement and a mantra is often a single word, but they work in much the same way. It is essentially a positive statement or a word that you repeat over and over to challenge negative and self-sabotaging thoughts.
Let’s pretend you are really struggling at work. You might be telling yourself that you are not meant to do your job. You are not meant to lead. You are stupid. You are bad at said job. These are not useful and certainly do not build confidence. Instead, you wil come up with an affirmation that you can use anytime those evil thoughts come into your brain.
“I am taking steps to get better every day.”
“I am capable of learning new things.”
“I am learning to lead and lead well.”
The way that you talk to yourself has a profound impact on how you think and how you act. So, be kind and tell yourself how rad you really are.
Be Brave: Time to Take Some Risks
Taking risks can be scary. However, we know from research that taking risks and trying new challenges increases confidence because we are either successful which increases confidence or we learn something new and feel more confident in trying again.
As a bonus, brave and confident adults raise brave and confident children. We want our children to feel like they are the best they can be. Taking risks, enjoying the journey of learning something new, trying new adventures, and having the courage to move forward even when things get hard or something fails, are things that ultimately build confidence.
We need these skills as adults, and we need them to teach our children. So, get out there, be brave, and take a risk or two!
Alright, so what is one small step you can take to increase confidence today? I want you to grab a post-it note and write down an affirmation that will help you be more confident every day. Can’t think of one? “I am enough” is always a nice fall back because I think moms need this reminder the most.
Are you ready to dig in deeper? The Secrets of Supermom Workbook has a whole section on confidence and walks you though assessing your confidence and steps to take to become more confident. Check it out at secretsofsupermom.com/SOSworkbook.
Books and Links from Today’s Episode
(Note: When you click a link, I may receive compensation at no cost to you! I only recommend things I love!)
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