How in the world does the working mom in the 21st century do it? She faces a multitude of challenges. How does she successfully balance work and home life? How does she give her all at work and her all at home without constantly feeling guilty or exhausted? How does she manage meals and calls and nursing and deadlines and pumping and date night and meetings and friends and sports…you get it.
How does she actually stay happy while doing it all?
After surveying and talking with hundreds of moms and over eleven years as a mom myself, I have found some common threads. Working moms that stay happy and fulfilled have solid habits. They do things every day that allow them to stay at the top of their game at work and at home.
These habits aren’t magic. They are about consistency and stability. They are about choosing to focus on these behaviors every day to stay successful and happy. What are these moms doing? Read on to find out!
Do you want to find out how to put these habits into action?
1. Use a planner, calendar or app.
Working moms must be organized, and they simply can’t do that if they have no idea what is happening day to day. They use a planner or calendar (paper or digital or both) to make sure they don’t over-schedule, don’t double schedule, and don’t forget the most important things.
For me, I love a paper planner. I love to see my tasks, my meetings and my goals in my handwriting every day. My husband, however, hates a paper anything. To compromise, we use a shared calendar app (we love Cozi!), and I use my paper planner for to do lists, meal planning and goals.
In a survey I conducted of nearly 200 moms [Check out The Supermom Survey here!], the number one strategy they used was a planner or calendar.
2. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries means that you are in control of you and your time. You decide. Every day, with intention, you decide.
This might mean you say no to a big project because it would keep you at the office until 8:00 p.m. for a month straight. It might mean that you say no to volunteering for the bake sale because you have a can’t-miss deadline. It might mean that you don’t agree to take on extra tasks because you have already prioritized the most important things.
For so many of us, setting boundaries takes practice. We want to do everything and be everything for everyone. Unfortunately, this is why so many working moms feel exhausted, anxious and burnt out. Boundaries allow us to say yes to the most important things.
3. Make it Easy
I always say, “We need to work smarter, not harder.” Some of us like to make things way harder than they need to be—I know I have been guilty here. You probably know who you are. If you ask yourself, “Why does this seem so hard?” when it seems easy to others, you need this habit.
High-performing moms ask themselves…
…could this be easier?
…could I leave out some steps and still get this done right?
…am I making this complicated?
They know that their way might not be the only way. They know that the first solution might not be the best solution. If something seems way too complicated, ask someone else how they would do it. When you can do many things the easy way, it saves the real effort for the hardest tasks.
4. Put an End to Perfection
Have you ever heard, “Done is better than perfect?” If everything you do has to be perfect, you will spend a lot of time on things that are ultimately not that important.
Perfection hurts us in two big ways. One, it causes us to delay or even avoid a dream or a goal because it isn’t perfect. Two, it causes us to spend time on the unnecessary.
Think about the mom with the perfect house. If she does it herself, I bet she spends time cleaning that she might rather be reading, meeting a goal, spending time with her kids, or anything else that would bring joy. As a working mom, your time is better spent.
Think about that friend who really wants to start a business or work for the next promotion but is scared that she might fail. She might not be perfect, so she just doesn’t try. She is missing out on learning and growing and showing her kids what moms can really do. Maybe that friend is you?
5. Wake Up Before Your Kids
I can hear many of you moaning. You are rolling your eyes. You are saying to yourself, “But they wake up so early already.” I know. I get it. I am right there with you.
What I need you to know is that if you do not wake up before your kids, they end up controlling your day instead of you. Kids—especially little kids, babies, toddlers—need something always. Even the big ones still need you to do their hair, find their shoes, or locate lost homework. If you can start your day with even a five-minute head start, you have already won. And you need those small wins to survive!
6. Create a Morning Routine
Since you are already awake and the house is quiet, you need to create a morning routine. In my book, Secrets of Supermom, this is actually one of the key secrets of maintaining your life as a busy working mom.
In the book, I share the critical elements for my morning routine and some other options as well. For many moms, they use this time to drink coffee or have a quiet moment, review their lists and plans for the day, practice gratitude, read, pray, stretch or exercise, and more.
When you start the day organized and ready to tackle every challenge, you are already ahead.
7. Do Something You Love EVERY DAY
Burnout is real. A working mom has to juggle many balls. If you do not infuse your life with something you love every single day, you can start to feel bitter about even tasks you don’t mind.
Happy, working moms prioritize themselves every day, even just for a minute. This habit of “finding the me time” becomes easier and makes a drastic difference in both happiness and productivity.
It does not have to be an hour-long massage—though please do that when you can, for sure! It might be reading for just 5 minutes. It might be a quick meditation. It might be some quick voice texts with your best friend.
The point is to find things you absolutely love to do and work them into your every day.
8. Eat for Energy
What goes in your body, impacts your mind. If you have ever done a type of elimination diet, you know how your body can feel differently and your mind can think differently depending on your food choices.
Never tried to make food changes to impact your mood or your energy? Check out The Whole30, Body Love, or JJ Virgin’s Sugar Impact Diet.
[Note that these are affiliate links meaning if you buy something by clicking the link, I may receive compensation at no cost to you. Please see the disclosure policy for more information.]
9. Sit in Gratitude
An attitude of gratitude increases our latitude. Gratitude has been big in the news. It is big with coaches and high performers. Why? Because it works. Training yourself to sit in gratitude, focusing your thoughts on the things and moments that you are most thankful, can have a drastic impact on your mood and give you the mental space to release stress.
When busy moms make gratitude a habit, they start to notice things that make them thankful every day. They start to communicate that gratitude. Their kids become more grateful. It becomes a big beautiful circle of thankfulness and joy.
10. Exercise, Stretch and Move that Body
The highest performing people exercise. It is just a face. This includes successful working moms. Exercise and taking care of your body reduces stress, increases endorphins, and increases energy. These are the exact things a busy mom needs.
If you think you don’t have time to exercise, spend a few days tracking your activities. Do you find yourself scrolling social media, watching several hours of television, or other non-critical tasks? You have time to move.
11. Eliminate Time Wasters
Happy working moms take a hard look at their days and their weeks to ensure they are the most efficient. This isn’t just about being more efficient at work. It is about being more efficient at home and creating the space to do the things they love or the space to simply do nothing.
Time-wasters are the things that fill up our time without adding a benefit. Some time-wasters you can’t avoid, like your morning commute in traffic, for example. Other time wasters, like watching too much Netflix, unnecessary meetings, and scrolling social media for an hour are much more easily controlled. [See, I told you that you have time to exercise.]
12. Laugh Every Day
Laughter is truly the best medicine. Just like exercise, laughing reduces stress, relaxes your entire body, and increases endorphins. Plus, it just feels good!
How can you make sure you laugh every day, even on hard days? Know what makes you laugh. Is it talking with one of your kids who just happens to be hilarious? Is it reading funny autocorrect text message memes [I can’t help but cry-laugh at these!]? Is it jokes from your husband or watching a funny TV show?
You can be intentional with many things, even laughter!
13. Plan Your Daily, Weekly, Monthly Goals
If you want to stay successful and happy at the same time, you need to have a plan. Busy, high-performing moms do not fly by the seat of their pants. They set goals and they work toward them. They have a plan.
When you feel like you are working toward a goal, getting better at something, or achieving, you feel happier. You also feel more in control of your choices and of your life in general.
14. Stay Present
Perhaps one of the most important habits: stay present. The happiest moms of all kinds are happy because they are living life in the moment. They intentionally put down their phones and play with their kids. They intentionally remove electronics from the dinner table. They intentionally block time on their calendars for the priorities of the day and are laser focused on those tasks during that time.
Are you at work thinking about your kids and at home thinking about work? This is another sign that you might be headed for burnout, overwhelm and constant guilt.
15. Protect Sleep
Sleep is critical to allowing your body rest and repair itself to stay your best. Sleep is necessary for mental strength and physical strength.
Getting enough sleep as a mom is hard, especially a new mom. The happiest moms do their best to protect their sleep by going to bed at the same time every night and using nightly routines.
If you are having a hard time getting to sleep early enough, think about the couple of hours before you get into bed. Can you make them easier? More structured? More relaxing? Less filled with angst and electronics? Think about even one small change you can make to increase your chance of a little bit more sleep.
16. Say No
Walking hand in hand with setting boundaries is the ability to say no. I have heard some very high performing working moms say that unless their answer is 1000% yes, it is an immediate no.
I will be honest. I struggle here. I want to say yes to everything and to everyone—but I know that when I do, I can’t be my best. I can’t do it all and need to be strategic about my time and energy.
17. Use Your Team
The happy, working mom uses her team. Her team might be her team at work, it might be her team at home [her partner and kiddos] or might be her mom team [those closest moms that just get it].
She uses her team for help when she needs it. She uses her team for support. She uses her team for comradery. She knows that she cannot do it alone.
18. Focus on Relationships
When you are ready to take your last breath, what do you picture? Is it your laptop and cell phone next to your bed? Is it your last moments on a conference call? Unlikely.
I bet you think of yourself surrounded by your children, your partner, your family and your most loyal friends. These people, these relationships will always be the most important thing you have in life. Of all the plates you keep spinning, never let the relationships one be the one to fall and shatter.
19. Quality Over Quantity in All Things
The working mom knows that she will not be with her child all day every day. She knows that she cannot work 100-hour weeks and manage to see her family. She focuses on the quality of time she spends, not the quantity.
Is it better to spend 2 hours at the park with your kids while you check your emails and take a conference call or is it better to spend 15 minutes playing with them, going down the slide, and swinging on the swings? I promise they will remember the second, not the first.
20. Know What is MOST Important
The happiest moms are always prioritizing the most important things in their life. This lets them avoid the mom guilt that seems to plague so many of us. By putting the most important things first, they know that the critical things are covered. If extra things get done, great. If they don’t, that’s okay too.
21. Know You Are Enough
She gives her all, and she knows that is enough. As a busy mom, it is hard to avoid mom guilt. You feel like you aren’t enough in so many areas. The happy working mom knows that she is enough. She knows she is doing the best she can. She goes to bed knowing she has given her all, while still taking care of her own needs, and that she will do it again tomorrow.
