In today’s episode of The Secrets of Supermom Show, we talk about The Secret of Habits and why they are so important to supermoms like you. What is a habit? Need some easy ways to make habits stick? We are sharing five ways to make your habits work for you.
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Show Notes and Transcript: What is a Habit?
Hey, hey friend! Welcome to Episode #2 of The Secrets of Supermom Show! If you listened to the last episode–our very first episode–you know that we are starting out this podcast with some of the secrets straight from my new book, Secrets of Supermom. The very first chapter is Supermoms Have Systems: The Secret of Habits.
Have you ever tried to start a good habit? How about stop a bad habit? Sure! We all have. And why are they so dang hard to master? In today’s episode, we are talking about The Secret of Habits and why they are actually super important in helping supermoms achieve their goals.
What is a habit? Dictionary.com says that a habit is “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up”. So, a habit is something we do regularly or a set of somethings we do regularly that are hard to change. We have set the routine by making certain choices and the routine becomes almost automatic. Research shows habits are responsible for up to 60% of our actions of the day and 40% of the experience of positive or negative in the day. Y’all, that is A LOT.
When I surveyed nearly 200 women for the writing of my book, I asked them specifically what helped them to be successful. Essentially, what habits have they put in place to help them in their motherhood journey? The number one thing that moms reported was using a planner, calendar, or to-do list. They had a habit of keeping track of their tasks and appointments which allowed them to stay consistent and organized.
Some other ways that moms stayed successful were things like exercise, sleep, a consistent morning routine, asking for help, prayer, and other forms of self-care. They weren’t just hopeful that these things would happen each day. They had developed systems to ensure they happen which allowed them to form the habit.
When we think about habits, we often think of them from a “bad habit” perspective. I have a bad habit of biting my nails or drinking too much wine on the weekends or snacking after dinner. We might think of them as good habits like the habit of flossing our teeth or following a consistent morning routine or exercising daily.
What if we thought about habits from a perspective of consistent processes to make life easier? Routines or systems that happen the same way each time, turn into habits, which help tasks become automatic requiring less thought. Less thought on the less important things leaves more thought for the big important things.
Alright, so you have decided that there are certain areas where you could form better habits, systems, processes. What now? I want you to think about one thing you want to change. Maybe it is a bad habit that you want to stop or a good habit that you want to put into place. I am going to share five strategies to make this happen.
Stop Changing Processes
We already said that a habit is a regular tendency or practice. If you want something to develop into a habit, you need the practice regularly. When you constantly change processes, you don’t allow the habit to form.
My favorite example of this is when you are setting a morning routine for your children–because remember these tips work for kids, too. Perhaps your ultimate goal is to have your children be more self-sufficient in the morning so you can get more work done or be less stressed in the morning. You have tasks like get dressed, brush your teeth, and eat breakfast on their list. If they do the same things every morning, especially in the same order, they will quickly get in the habit of knowing what comes next. However, if you change the process every day, it is much harder for the habit to form and also more likely that a step might get missed.
It would be impossible to do everything the same every day–and boring. However, there are certainly areas in your life that benefit from consistent processes. Your morning routine or that of your children, your start-up or wind-down processes at work, your nighttime routine are all areas that you can ritualize to form habits that allow more consistency and less thought to go into those parts of your day.
Evaluate Habit Loops
Habit research shows that we develop a habit based on habit loops. A habit loop says that a habit forms when there is a cue (a signal for something to happen), a response (the thing you actually do that becomes the habit), and a reward (the benefit you get from doing what you are doing). Why is this important? One thing I think really sticks out is that there is always a reward. Many of us have all sorts of bad habits. Sometimes we think, “Ugh, why do I do that when I know it is so bad for me/makes me feel awful/bad for my kids.” Remember, there is ALWAYS a reward. There is always a rewarding reason you continue the habit.
When you can figure out the cue and the reward, you can figure out what you are getting out of the habit. Then you can decide if and how you will change it.
An example I like to use that makes this clear is the glass of wine after work example. You walk into the kitchen after a long day at work (cue) and automatically pour yourself a glass of wine from the counter (the routine). What is your reward? You feel relaxed.
So, what if you want to break this habit? What if you feel like you are drinking too much wine or want to get out of this habit in general? You know that you ultimately want to feel relaxed after work. You could brainstorm other things that help you feel relaxed like taking a quick walk or doing a yoga video or reading a chapter of your favorite book. You could change your routine by replacing the wine on the counter with your book or your sneakers. When you walk into the kitchen, now you will see your book or your shoes instead of the wine and choose a different routine. You could also change your cue by not walking into the kitchen at all when you get home and instead going straight to your room to change into your workout clothes.
Follow James Clear’s Four Laws
In the book “Atomic Habits”, the author James Clear talks about habit change and the small changes that spur bigger changes. He talks about the four laws to make a good habit stick. Make it obvious. Make it attractive. Make it easy. Make it satisfying. He also says the reverse of breaking a bad habit. Make it invisible, unattractive, difficult, and unsatisfying. Brilliant, right?
I am willing to bet you might have used some of these strategies in the past, without realizing it. Have you ever put your vitamins on the counter to remind you to take them? You are making it obvious. Have you ever set up a walking date with your friend because you know you would love to chat with her but need to get your walk in? You are making it attractive. Have you put healthy snacks on the dining table while locking away the unhealthy snacks on a high shelf in the pantry? Yep, making it easy. And what about this? Are you a list maker? Do you love checking things off a list to say they are done? Maybe you even write, “Make list for the week” on your list just so you can check it off? Your are making it satisfying.
You can use the reverse of these to make bad habits harder to maintain. If you never have wine in the house, your wine habit requires a trip to the store every time you want to drink. My husband bought a timed safe that holds small items like remote controls so that it is nearly impossible to get the remote out until a certain time. This makes is incredibly difficult to mindlessly watch too much TV.
Use Habit Stacking
Have you ever told yourself that you will do sit-ups while you wait for your coffee to brew or squats while you brush your teeth? You have already used habit stacking! Habit stacking is really just that. You are taking one habit that is already in place–brushing your teeth–and stacking on another habit–squats–instead of trying to start the new habit all by itself.
Why does this work? Adding a small change to a habit already in place is far easier than starting a new habit from scratch. There are plenty of things that you do every day. Think about one place where you could add in a habit you have been hoping to start.
Small Changes Become Big Changes
Starting a new habit can be daunting. If you are not used to exercising at all, it would be very hard to start a habit of hard workouts five days per week. However, could you put on your workout shoes every day? Sure, that would be completely doable. Starting as small as possible, even ridiculously small can help set the habit. Once the habit is set, it is easier to add on to it. Putting on your workout shoes leads to a 5-minute walk and eventually maybe even leads to a 30-minute jog. Starting small lets you be successful. Starting small lets you set the habit without relying on extraordinary willpower or motivation.
So, let’s recap. We reviewed five ways to change your habits today:
- Stop Changing Processes
- Evaluate Habit Loops
- Follow James Clear’s Four Laws
- Use Habit Stacking
- Small Changes Become Big Changes
I promised that each episode would allow you to come away with one small step that you could take to start. So, today, I want you to think about one behavior you want to change and every day take the smallest step to get there. Then, share with me on social media! I love when supermoms share things that are working for them!
Finally, if you want a walk-though of setting good habits, the Secrets of Supermom Workbook is free and goes through all the activities from the book. You can get it at secretsofsupermom.com/sosworkbook. And if you want some more reading about habits or more on the books we talked about in this episode, you can find the links in the show notes at secretsofsupermom.com/02.
Want more on habits? Here are some recommended books:
(Note: When you click a link, I may receive compensation at no cost to you! I only recommend things I love!)
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